Dear Friends, it's time things changed.
I was not planning to share this, but Spirit with My Intuition, was very clear that I should:
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The following is a message I wrote to a friend. I left women's names out, as I felt it best:
This woman did something that is sadly not uncommon at all for CP/EG women, or women in general who come to me because they have nowhere else to turn....I might as well be open about it if people ask, I am not at fault, and awareness is needed; this woman, like so many women who come to me, had no one to turn to. She paid for a couple appointments, but I basically helped her, and was on call for her for altogether about two years, for free- I did everything I could without putting myself in the red. Suddenly, her baby daddy moves back in, and two weeks later she "wishes me well," and hands me $20 dollars, making it clear she no longer needs my direct support. When I clarify how unacceptable that was, how unprofessional and disrespectful, she apologizes, but says that I could have "been nicer..." and suggested that we talked “to clear the air...” I thought: What?! So you can take more of my time trying to convince me that the disrespect isn't clear? That this isn't a clear cut case of total disregard for me?” And, I wasn't mean! I was just being very clear, that bidding me farewell and handing me $20 after hours, years! Of free support when she has no one, is really, really unacceptable, inhumane, and unprofessional. She doesn't seem to care, or think she did anything wrong. I wanted to talk openly about this, but it's too painful right now. I don't take these things personally anymore, because I want to embody/emulate a woman to woman connection/support system, but it doesn't make it any less awful....the big changes have to do with the fact that I've poured resources for almost a decade into women who needed my help when they had no one, and unfortunately, I can count on maybe both hands the number who continue to acknowledge my existence.... Spirit was clear it's time to reclaim those resources, for my other projects, until women can mature more.... I'll continue with the the non-profit, but in a smaller way for now…
…Thank you, but there isn't any excuse for how she handled the situation. She was welcome to message me whenever she needed. And all of a sudden, she turns off her messages without notice, (she told me, when her baby daddy moved back in), and the next time she responds to me she wishes me well and hands me $20. She's a grown woman, not a child. She was ok with messaging me all the time, and taking my time, for two years, AND, I was on call for her! (Midwives are compensated usually for this in a for-profit situation), and I was happy to...but it's not an easy task to be on call! It's my job and I'm happy to do it! But not if a grown woman thinks that no explanation is needed before she goes elsewhere (she has other help now). And $20 is a spit in the face! It's unacceptable and completely juvenile, however, sadly, not uncommon. If she took the time to really give me an explanation, and continue to acknowledge how much support she has gotten from me, then no money would be needed at all! I don't care about the money! It's the attitude, and lack of respect. She doesn't need me to hold her hand, and explain what I just explained to you. It's very clear in writing, and if she doesn't know by now what's ok and not ok when it comes to people's time, money, resources...and respect, then she's got a lot of growing up to do, but not on my time... she's been given freely, much, much more than obviously, she could appreciate!
…I felt to put it this way: I have a midwife mentor/friend, who was there for me for a handful of appointments, and didn't give me the regular rate. I also didn't have many people to turn to at the time. Now mind you, I only went to about four appointments, and she offered to be on call if I needed anything....my son was born a couple months later. I didn't end up needing her for the birth, but nonetheless, I gave her a $100 donation, for being there. I also went to her house and FULLY thanked her.
Another healer and mentor of mine was also there for me when I needed it. She helped me with my daughter's pregnancy. I felt the best way to show my gratitude was to buy her a gift (one of my favorite midwifery books), and give my daughter the healer's name, as her middle name.
This woman who disrespected me, is in the wrong. And needs to grow up. There's a line of respect, that isn't overall acknowledged in our culture, especially for traditional midwives and healers, and it needs to be acknowledged fully, if we're to move forward and heal, as women, as men, as a society.
~ Anshin B.